The Moment I Became "One Of Those" Weepy Church People

So heres the thing y'all. God & I had a talk last night. Or rather, God talked & I listened. (Thats always best to do when God is talking)
It was late & I was laying in bed attempting to fall asleep. I usually let my mind wander a bit during this time & last night was no different. I was thinking about one thing completely different and somehow, through a tangent, I got to thinking about my being single. As in not dating. (As in never. Ever.) Many things come into my mind & if you are someone who has known me for a while then you know the ten sorts of foolishness as to why I probably havent dated in the past. Suddenly the very cliche & ever so worn out saying plays in my head.
"Someone cant love you unless you love yourself." Huh. Well, then. Do I? Im pretty sure that I dont.
Pretty sure? How can you be pretty sure that you dont love? I asked myself, how do you know that you love? So I get to thinking about the people I love & try to relate the feeling back to how I feel about myself. Nilch. Then I run through good old 1 Corinthians 13:4: Love is patient (Negative) Love is kind (Mostly Negative)...
and thats as far as I could remember...it was pushing 1am here.
It was about this time that tears started pouring down from my eyes. Buckets of them. It was bordering on Oprah's "ugly cry" y'all.
Those were His tears. Him crying over my not loving. I realized that & round two started...those tears were mine.
Why is it that I can love the precious children that He created so much that I pour my soul & care into them day after day, year after year? Why is it that I love the animals that He created so much that I dont dare take their life so I can eat? Why is it that I love the world around me that He created so much that I photograph it constantly?
But I cannot love His creation that is me.
And can I just take a moment to point out that I do not find it coincidence at all that this "revelation" (if we are calling it that) happened a mere month after I was baptized. This is an issue I have wrestled with for years. YEARS. And not until now has God shown me what I needed to see.
So what now, you ask? Yeah, I dont really know either, friends. I dont know how to love me, but I think that by starting at the root of it, seeing me as God's creation & priceless to Him might be a good launching point. All I know is that there is something big & heavy in my chest & I want it gone. Its been holding me down for too long & I want it out.
If that means chipping, if that means carving, if that means melting, I just dont know. Im going to find out.